She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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