Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We smell like vodka and hangover
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