Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
