goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
