Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I met the friendliest cop last night
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
