you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
