i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
