that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
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got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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