We're facebook friends in real life
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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