she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
