Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
