Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
bring money and cleavage
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..