I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is her dick bigger than yours?