lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.