she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder