I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.