chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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