oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My cat gives me a boner
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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