halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
