I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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