after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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