she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
