just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
