Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
