Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
