Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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