Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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