When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
