exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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