the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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