I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
this hospital has no fireball
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
