OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
