mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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