I puked a lego.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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