So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
not ubering you a puppy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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