My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
