This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
