Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
