An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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