Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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