Can i not drive my cunt home
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
