I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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