Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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