neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
