By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i used baking grease as lip gloss
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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