Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
