sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I hate all girls vehemently.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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