Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
