Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
worst night to have a conscience
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
