Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
