census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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