Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
