Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
