she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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