is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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