Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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