I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
