I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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