He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
