i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
