Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
