Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize