to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
PS: I just woke up from my shower
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
