He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
