Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
