Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
