Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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