I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
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That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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