Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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