yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
