Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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