Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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