well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
