we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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