So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What a dumb baby whore.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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