I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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