it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
