Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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