Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
