I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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