Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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